No One Wins When We Buy into Zero-Sum Mentality
As I’m writing this, the government is still shut down as both sides of the political aisle work to fight for what they believe in. The consequence? men and women who serve us through government positions are being asked to work without pay because too many of us have bought into the zero-sum mentality. Today we’ll explore zero-sum mentalities and talk about ways to open conversation when you’ve stalemated.
Zero-Sum Mentality
What is the zero-sum mentality? It’s the false belief that in any given disagreement there is a winner and a loser. If we look at the political divisiveness of our country, often our language reflects a zero-sum mentality. If I give up on this priority, then the other side wins, and I lose. It’s the idea that if I let your voice be heard in the conversation, I have lost my voice.
I’ve had many conversations over the past several years where people are longing to have respectful discourse on tough issues, but when we approach these conversations with a zero-sum mentality, we don’t actually talk to find a solution, we talk to win, so end up avoiding the conversation altogether.
What a zero-sum mentality does is shut down conversation and creates apathy. We all know that person who no matter what you say, they are going to loudly express their opinion, and do so in a divisive, belittling fashion because it helps them win the argument. And if silence is a win, then they win, but in reality, no one wins.
Whether you are talking politics with friends or if you are in an organization where you feel there’s a singular answer, we can work to change conversations by using some of these skills to overcome the zero-sum mentality.
Yes, And
Use the art of “Yes, and.” This improv skill requires that we take someone else’s statement and we add on. If someone dismisses your idea because there isn’t any money in the budget, you can reply, “Yes, you’re right, we have limited resources, and that requires us to explore small, creative funding options to bring this program to our customers.”
“Yes, and” is a powerful diffuser of one-sided arguments. It allows us to acknowledge the other person while stating our viewpoint.
Identify What You Don’t Want
Identify what you don’t want. As discussions have shut down because of zero-sum tactics, I’ve seen people successfully open the conversation again by restating what everyone wants. It may look like this in a conversation about an employee’s performance:
“I know we have different ideas on how to address James’ performance. I’m sure we both want what’s best for James and the company. But we need to have consensus on how to address the situation. Let’s focus on what we don’t want to happen. Once we know what we don’t want to happen, then we can focus on solutions that work for both James and the company.”
The Concerns From Each Side
Identify the competing concerns from each side. Often we have two equally important concepts that are competing for top priority. When we can identify what I want and what the other person wants, we often find those items are not mutually exclusive. However, sometimes we both have to give something up to reach a mutually beneficial solution.
For example, you may want transparency from your management team. On the other hand, HR or Legal may have competing priorities for legal compliance or employee rights. Once we’ve identified competing priorities, we can focus on the solution with both sides in mind.
The zero-sum mentality is harmful on many fronts. We need to hear everyone’s voice. To do that we need awareness and skill. It’s not easy to move from the default of win-lose. But when we do, we find we are both better for it. The next time you face a zero-sum mentality, take heart and show us all how we can be better.
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork, and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
