Hopes versus Expectations
For the past few months, I’ve been having conversations about the expectations people have. It’s been a recurring theme, which means it’s probably worth all of us exploring a little more. As I’ve pondered this idea deeply, I’ve landed here – Hopes are very different than expectations. In addition, expectations often leave us disappointed.
Okay, that sounds cheesy, doesn’t it? Don’t have expectations and you won’t be disappointed. There’s a little truth to that. Let’s explore it. We all know people who have expectations. Expectations that you will come home and visit more often, that you will be amazing at all things and that the event you are hosting will be perfect.
In this context, the danger in having expectations is that when something fails, there’s no leeway for the unexpected. There’s no grace for bad behavior. There’s no moving forward because you will never match the expectation.
Corporate World
This is more about personal expectations than corporate. In the corporate world, I need to be clear on what my expectations are with my team, so we have a way to know if we are meeting our goals. However, in the corporate world, I can’t have the expectation that something will go just so or that a certain person will do exactly what I would do in that situation.
Someone in the office, Sam, may have an expectation that after a year, he will be promoted. Meanwhile, after a position comes open, the finances of the company resulted in a reorganization, eliminating his promotional opportunities.
If Sam has an expectation he’ll receive a promotion, he will be disappointed. If Sam, instead, hopes to get a position, he will have a different perspective. An expectation is something that’s given to us, while hope implies I’m working towards something.
Personal World
Let’s swap our example for a personal one. If I have an expectation my grown adult children are going to hang out with me after they leave our home, I will most likely be disappointed.
I can hope that they visit me. When I do that, odds are greater I will not be disappointed when they take jobs out of our city, I will be excited for them. I’ll still hope they come to visit me. And in that hope, I’ll do whatever I can to ensure they want to visit me, but if I expect it, then I’m going to be disappointed at some point.
Maybe life and work have thrown you some crazy unknowns, like cancer or death of a loved one, or your company is laying off half the workforce. That’s something you never expected. What can you do in those moments?
Measuring Success
A colleague, AJ Sue, and I were talking this week, and he shared his scale for measuring success with shifting circumstances. He asks two questions:
Did I do the right thing today? (Or did I focus on the right thing today?)
Did I do a good job with what I had to work with today?
Both of those questions allow for a sliding scale assessment based on what’s going on in your world at that time.
If the meeting didn’t go how you thought it should or a relationship in your life isn’t what you think it should be, when you ask those two questions, your perspective changes. The meeting didn’t go as expected, but you did what you could when the power failed to work in the back half of the room. The conversation didn’t go the way you expected, but you spoke kindly and respectfully. Those are wins, not losses.
Expectations
After months of pondering the idea of expectations, I’m landing on the idea that it’s okay to have expectations, but I should keep them realistically balanced with reality and then measure success through a sliding scale of grace toward what is in the moment.
It’s not easy, yet it is a powerful mind shift. Watch this week and evaluate do I have expectations or do I have hopes. Temper your expectations and do all you can to bring your hope to reality.
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork, and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
