CPR Stat!

Sarah Gibson talks about CPR from a business lens

Emergency! Something is sucking the life out of you. You’re turning blue, gasping for air, hands are flailing for help. You flat line, need to be resuscitated, but not physically. You need a relationship resuscitation.

Crucial Conversations – CPR!

Here’s something from Crucial Conversations that has helped me personally and professionally as relationships have flat lined – CPR. CPR, not as in cardiopulmonary resuscitation, but as in, Content, Pattern, Relationship.

When something goes wrong in a relationship, professional or personal, I’ve used the concept of CPR to discern if what happened was a Content disagreement, a Pattern disagreement or a Relational disagreement.

Content

If it’s Content, the issue is small. When I manage relationships well, I keep all of my disagreements at this level. It’s a Content disagreement, it’s neutral – not about me, not about the other person. However, if I don’t address my disagreement at this level, the disagreement heightens into a Pattern issue.

Pattern

I look for Patterns of behavior that confirm my negative opinion of that person. I enter Patterns of perception without looking at the other person’s intent.

My style of argument departs from a neutral disagreement to seeking Patterns. This person always does this or that. And soon, it’s not just the Pattern of behavior that’s frustrating me, it’s the entire Relationship.

Relationship

Once I’ve reached a spot of where our disagreement impacts our Relationship, fixing the Relationship becomes much more difficult. Trust is usually gone. The value that person brings to my life is negated and dismissed. It takes a lot of work and time to fix Relationship-level disagreements. While it can be done, it’s best to not let the disagreement ever hit that level if at all possible.

What To Do

Things you can do to keep disagreements at the Content level:

  • Believe the other person has good intentions.
  • Discuss situations when they first arise, don’t just think, “This will go away.” It won’t. It’ll become a Pattern disagreement.
  • Learn skills and words and phrases that help you address disagreements head on – tactfully.
  • Know how you respond to conflict and how that other person responds to conflict. Be respectful of our different preferences. Adapt your approach based on the individual.

These actions may not always save a flat-lined relationship, but knowing CPR can save you from many unnecessary emergencies.

 

Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com. 

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