Words of Encouragement for Those Who Rarely Hear it
The humble brag. Have you heard of it? Here’s the basic definition, and if you want to learn more, follow this link to Real Simple magazine online to read more about it. The humble brag is when you talk about how great your life is or you are, but do so in a way that is a little self-deprecating.
For example, much to my chagrin, I made a humble brag the other day on Facebook. I wrote: “Feeling overwhelmed at the amazing, kind, thoughtful, gushing words of colleagues who have provided references for my Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) process.” My post went on to publicly thank those who had shared their kind words with me, and my purpose for the post was two-fold:
1) I was feeling overwhelmed by people’s feedback and evaluations.
2) I wanted to thank those who had graciously taken time to provide evaluations for this professional step.
My intent was good, however, it probably came across and, “I would love more positive feedback from my tribe on FB, you can provide more kind words below.” That was NOT my intent, yet it brings me to this blog post about all those people in our lives who probably don’t receive words of encouragement from others and what we can do about it.
Think of the many people in your lives who don’t have any source of formal feedback. Everyone from full-time moms, to entrepreneurs, to public servants (EMTs/Firefighters/ETC), to business owners, to top-tier leaders, to pastors, and ministers. All of these folks, and many more, don’t have any formal feedback mechanisms in their work, and they need encouragement as much as the average employee.
Personally, I’ve worked on my own for 13 years. While I receive limited client feedback and attendee feedback, these people generally aren’t folks who are in my life day-in and day-out. I appreciate their kind words, but it’s easy for me to dismiss those words with thoughts of, “You’ve seen me speak once, and you liked the content and how it was presented. I’m so glad I met your expectations!”
Notice how I process that – it’s about me meeting their expectations, not about my skills or abilities. When people served as my references for the CSP process, these were folks I have a history with, who provided words of encouragement that reflected my abilities and my skills. Their words meant a lot to me. And their words surprised me because I hadn’t received that kind of encouragement from a long-term relationship in a long time. What can we do to encourage the many people in our lives who are in the same lonely positions? We can be intentional about providing feedback through phone calls, coffee connects, emails or notes. These don’t have to be big, overblown efforts, but instead can be simple, easy things like, “Know what I appreciate about you? You are so thoughtful in how you connect deeply with those around you. I appreciate that when we spend time together, you focus on our time and you ask questions that communicate you really care about me. Thank you.” Gary Smalley does research and work around the Five Love Languages, including a version of the Five Love Languages for Work. One of the five love languages include words of affirmation (encouragement). For some of the people in our lives, words are what fills their emotional tanks. This is an easy and free
investment we can make in one another at home and work. Especially for those who have no other formal feedback mechanism, your words may be the one positive piece they’ve heard in a long time.
Your challenge this week is to identify one person in your life who is isolated from feedback and to provide that person with a quick word of encouragement about what you appreciate about him or her.
This is a fun challenge, and I’m excited to hear from you about how your words made someone’s day!
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
