What to Do When Life is Hard

After many years, I finally sent a thank you note to a man of great influence in my life – a professor from my college days. He probably didn’t realize what he had taught me until my note arrived, but the impact of his actions has shaped me for many years.

My desire to reach out and thank him stemmed from the reminder of how hard death is for those left behind. A friend is approaching his daughter’s birthday – the first after his daughter’s death. I’ve debated how best to acknowledge her birthday, and I return to the lessons of my professor.

When my mom passed away unexpectedly, I was in grad school and only 24-years-old. I had limited exposure to death and loss. When I returned to classes after the funeral and all the stuff that goes into the week where time freezes for you, but continues for others, the actions of my professor changed how I interacted with those experiencing loss.

This professor ran into me in the office library and simply said, “I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s passing.” My eyes brimmed with tears and I couldn’t do anything but nod in return. He stood there and let me be in the moment. He let me process his words, but he didn’t offer any other words. He was simply there with me.

I learned two things that day:

1) When you feel powerless and scared you may say the wrong thing – don’t let that keep you from speaking and talking to the person experiencing loss. That person’s reality won’t change because you didn’t say the right thing, but their reality will change when they know how many others empathize with the loss they are experiencing.

2) After you’ve said something, you won’t know how that person will react. Whatever their reaction, it’s the right reaction. It may be a sad smile. It may be eyes flooded with tears. Whatever their reaction, it’s the right reaction for where they are in the grieving process. And, it’s enough to simply be with someone in their grief. It doesn’t require any more words. Being there speaks volumes.

While you may wonder how this topic is a blog topic, I believe strongly that most of us don’t know what to do in moments when our co-workers and friends experience loss. I learned a lot in one simple experience, and I’m using this platform to share two simple things we can do to step into other people’s lives in a way that makes a huge difference.

Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.