Weinstein, Moore, Rose, Lauer – Sexual Misconduct – Why Don’t Women Come Forward When It Happens?

This is a hard blog to write. It’s personal for me and for millions of women. It’s hard to harness my anger and pain over this topic, to keep my emotions to a level that can be heard, and I don’t wish to minimize anyone else’s emotions or experiences when it comes to sexual misconduct.

What I do want to do is encourage us all to move forward into the hard conversations we need to have. The hard conversation around how women are treated across the globe is a conversation we should have been having as individuals, families, businesses, and as a country and nation for many decades.

Read this entry, knowing that if you’ve been hurt, I hurt with you. Read knowing, if you really don’t understand, I’m okay with that as long as you’re willing to listen and to hear what women in your life have to say. Read, knowing we all need to move beyond hearing to understanding and to acting to change what has been the story of too many women.

Over the past few months, we’ve seen women alleging men were sexually inappropriate to them 1, 3, 5, 10, 15, 30 years ago. Almost always the next comment is, “Why wait to say something? Why come forward now?” And while the question is a good question, we are often asking it from the incorrect vantage point. We’re asking it from the man’s point of view, not the woman’s point of view.

“Why wait to say something? Why come forward now?” There are many reasons. Here are a few from the woman’s perspective:

1) The women were ashamed and embarrassed because they’ve been taught they did something to earn what happened to them, even though the misconduct was not their fault or doing.

2) They were afraid of what people would say about them and the unspoken, but understood, repercussions they would face by speaking up.

3) They felt alone and powerless.

4) They didn’t want to rock the boat and convinced themselves it wasn’t worth the pain they would experience by bringing it forward.

5) They lacked influence within the power structure to make change permanent. Instead they would have found themselves outside the structure they needed to be in to make a living.

6) They thought they could live with what they knew, and their experience wouldn’t impact other people. However, when it became clear that person could impact many more women, they couldn’t stomach the thought of how many others may face what they did. And what’s worse? When these women spoke up, they found they were not alone in their experiences.

7) Speaking up required courage that often comes with wisdom, age and confidence in knowing who we are and being in a spot where the consequences matter less than courage.

My heart breaks for the women (and men) in our society who are suffering because of long-accepted, yet unacceptable, behavior of one person against another. When we hear the questions, “Why wait to say something? Why come forward now?” our role should be to look deeper. To hear and listen. And

ultimately, to change the current reality into questions like, “Why was this ever allowed? How do we change the norm?”

I’m grateful that in my life there have been far more men in my life who are decent, upstanding men of integrity who treat women with respect, kindness and gentleness than men who live in notoriety. How do we encourage more of that?

We start by switching the question from “Why now? Why wait to come forward?” to saying “Thanks for now. Thanks for having courage. You are not alone. You are supported. How can we move forward as a better society?”

As we move forward together, I ask, how will you approach this conversation differently? What role will you play in the success of our culture for both women and men? Simple questions requiring hard work and a different perspective.

Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.