We All Feel Like Outsiders
Ever been nervous to go to someplace and meet folks you’ve never met? Have you been the one to pace the parking lot determining if you are actually going to go inside or go home? Most of us have been there. We’ve been scared of being the outsider, and yet, we all feel like outsiders.
At a recent event, I confessed to a friend I feel like an outsider to a specific group in many ways. In this group, there are folks there who have known each other for 20 – 30 years. They have stories and jokes between themselves, and I feel like I’m outside the inner circle of friends.
As I was confessing that to my friend, I also said, “Then I realized I’m pretty connected in this group. I go in and I talk with all kinds of folks there. I have friends and colleagues there, and we share inside stories and jokes. So as much as I feel like an outsider, I’m probably making someone else feel like an outsider in comparison to me.”
Ouch. That thought hurt. I make people feel like outsiders when they are the ones feeling nervous and anxious. Can I simply say, “I’m so sorry I’ve made any of you feel that way!”?
What can we do to consciously extend hospitality and warm welcome to strangers among us?
Here are some practical things.
Practical Ways to Welcome Others
- Be the first. Be the first to say hello. To introduce yourself. To smile. To walk across the room. To shake hands. Any of these things are a sign of welcome and inclusion. As the newbie, all of these things are intimidating. Your small gesture invites that person to be one of the group.
- See and connect others. When you see someone standing alone, wave them over, introduce them to the person you are talking to, catch them up on the conversation you’ve been having. Even inviting that person to stand in a less conspicuous spot to stand and listen to your conversation makes them more comfortable and included.
- Give up the excuses. “I’m introverted myself. How can I help others?” “I don’t know what to say either, so ignoring that person is easier.” Most of us have thought these things. It’s time we give up the excuses and find solutions.If you are introverted, plan ahead to conserve social energy for the event. Offer your quieter style as a less overwhelming experience than your extroverted friends.If you don’t know what to say, prepare pocket conversations and questions you can ask in any social situation. Ask about the person’s reason for being there. Ask how they heard about the group. Tell them why you joined the group. Talk about what you’ve gained from the event.
Choosing to Welcome Others
We all have to do things we don’t like to do. That doesn’t change our needing to do them. Being welcoming is sometimes a choice we need to make. I chose to be welcoming because I know what it is to be the outsider looking at a group of inner circle people. Ultimately, I chose to be welcoming because I am a member of the inner circle to someone else.
Remember we all feel like outsiders. Who can you welcome this week?
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork, and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
