When Things Look Rosie To Others – The Christmas Letter Effect
As holiday letters are pouring into our mailbox (thank you – it’s nice to get something besides bills and junk mail), I’m reminded of the “Christmas-letter effect.” You know what the Christmas-letter effect looks like – the amazing letter that tells you all the good things that happened to someone’s family over the year, but which highlights very little of the hard stuff.
The Christmas-letter effect has been amplified and carried into our everyday lives through social media. We see the good things in people’s lives, and sometimes the surface-level hard things, but rarely the true inner workings of a family or individual. This distorted view of others creates dangerous, painful comparisons sparking sadness, depression and shame.
Brene Brown, in her work on vulnerability, encourages us to share all of ourselves with people. Her research has shown when people are vulnerable; they face less shame over what they think people think of them when they are exposed for who they really are.
Personally, I’ve been thinking about this as I sent our Christmas letter and also of what I let others see of myself on social media. I want to share my triumphs with people, but what struggles do I share? How could my friends come around me and help me with the many things I struggle with? Am I strong enough to expose who I really am to folks? What will they think of me?
Odds are really good, they’ll think I’m completely normal. Many will be relieved to see I’m not perfect (totally their image of me, not my image of me!). Many will graciously step in and offer help and love through the hard times. Vulnerability can be so powerful and freeing.
As you reflect on this year and look to your hopes for next year, spend some time studying vulnerability and how being vulnerable can release you of the shame you feel based on not meeting other peoples’ expectations of you or of the many times you fail to live a life worthy of the Christmas-letter effect. Here’s a link to one of Brene Brown’s worksheets to get you started.
Happy holidays to you – to all of you, even the pieces you feel aren’t worthy of your Christmas letter!
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
