The Art of Small Talk

Ending Awkward Conversations

Having had more than my share of awkward conversations over the past few weeks, my husband and I hauled our kids out to dinner with the intent of teaching them the art of small talk. (Don’t you wish you were our kids?) Why did we torture them with this activity? Because the art of small talk is challenging for many people – and it is a skill you can develop.

I’m writing this today because I hear so often, “Small talk is just so hard and awkward. I’m bad at it.” Yes, small talk can be miserable, especially when you’re the only one skilled at making small talk. However, we can this task better for all of us, using a memory tool for getting and keeping the conversation going.

Small Talk Stack

Today we’re going to review a tool I learned years ago at a Dale Carnegie training. It’s a memory device designed to help you through “I don’t know what to say moments.”  Here are the basic things I want you to picture in your mind:

1. A gold-plated nameplate with your name emblazoned on it.
2. On top of the nameplate sits your dream house. Picture it – it’s stunning!
3. On the very tippy-top roofline stands a child.
4. The child has a yellow leather work glove on one hand and that hand is extended up toward the sky.
5. In that hand, the child has a model airplane.
6. The airplane has two propellers. One is a tennis racket. The other is a flashing bright light.

View and repeat these images until you have them memorized. If you do, you’ll always have the tools for small talk ready to use whenever needed.

Ask Questions!

The second key to this small talk stack is that it equips you to ask questions. Questions and curiosity are the keys to small talk. Ask questions and new questions will arise and the conversation will take off from there.

Here’s what each piece represents.

1. When you meet someone, think of the nameplate. Ask their name. Ask about the origin of their name, the spelling, is it a family name?
2. Imagine your dream house next. Ask about where they live? Where did they grow up? Where did they go to school? Comment on the location you are at currently or ask about the venue.
3. Next, think of the child on the roof of your dream house. This is a chance to ask about family. Tell me about your family? I leave it at that so folks can share what they are comfortable sharing and it helps me avoid the dreaded, “Oh, I just got divorced,” or more painful responses. Once you know about their family, you can ask about kids, schools, sports, family nearby, family work or businesses.
4. Next, the yellow work glove represents work. Tell me about your work or what life is like for you during the week (for retired folks or stay-at-home working parents). Ask about their career, how they got there, what made them go into that field.
5. Follow up work questions with the model airplane. Ask if they have travel plans or if they’ve been somewhere recently. Start comparing stories about their favorite places to travel.
6. Last, you can ask about the tennis racket propeller – sports or hobbies they have. And the other propeller, the flashing light, reminds you to ask about any new idea that’s popped into your head since the conversation started. What’s new in the news, what have you heard recently that’s baffling or interesting? Anything new that comes to mind.

Enter Your Next Conversation Equipped and Ready to Go

Small talk doesn’t have to be painful. It can be pleasant (gasp!), and you learn a ton of things about people and places you may otherwise miss. Having a tool, like the small talk stack and the many questions it prompts, can build your confidence as you engage with those around you.

Go engage in some small talk! I can’t wait to hear what you learned below in the comments!

Vistage chair, keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork, and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams.

If you are a CEO or know a CEO who would benefit from a peer advisory group, please contact Sarah at Sarah.Gibson@Vistage.com. To inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.