We like flawed people more than perfect people

This week I was thinking about a career where everyone is shiny, perfect and bubbling with optimism, and it turned my stomach. I thought, “These people aren’t real. They’re too perfect to be real!” And that’s when it hit me, we like people who are human and flawed, like we are, but we try so hard to be perfect in the eyes of others. Why do we do that and how can we reframe our expectations of ourselves?

My favorite people are the ones who sometimes say what’s irreverent or who eat too many cookies or who wear pajama pants to the grocery store. Why? Because they are real people. Yet, I have this internal nudge to present myself as perfect to others. I want them to think my kids never leave toothpaste spit in the sink, or that I’m uber-organized, or I’m always on time. Why? Why do we think we have to be perfect?

Maybe it starts with the stories we’ve been told through media, social media and societal expectations. Maybe it starts there, but somewhere it became part of our cultural DNA. We embraced it, owned it and mastered it. The outcome? A whole lot of stressed out people who think they have to be unrealistically perfect in all things.

So what can do we do about it? Wow, when you figure that out, let me know! Actually I do think there’s a few things we can do, and those things actually build deeper trust in our home and work relationships.

It starts with being transparent about why you are doing something. When my kids ask why it’s important to clean bathrooms before company, I need to tell them it’s because I want someone to feel honored to be in our home. When I strive for the perfect client experience and I nitpick having the wrong font in a document, it’s because I want to do my best for that client because it’s what they deserve.

It’s my job to be clear on the motive of my perfection. Is it about the other person or is it about me? If it’s about the other person, I’m probably striving for perfection for the right reasons. If it’s about me, then it’s probably time to let go.

The second thing we can do is let people know when we’ve goofed up. If we cling to the idea we have to be perfect, when we fail (because it’s when not if), they’ll notice, and we’ll be faced with a choice:

· acknowledge our failure and move forward

· or choose to be prideful and insist we are right, which undermines trust in our relationships and makes the situation worse for ourselves and for us.

The third thing we can do, and this is my favorite, is to push yourself to do something that purposefully makes you look less perfect. Go to the grocery store without having showered. Show your coworker that you put on two identical shoes in different colors, let someone know you won’t make the deadline, but you’ll do your best to keep things from impacting their deadlines.

It’s strongly possible being less than perfect is more powerful than perfect. In fact, it’s highly probable that perfection works against us in many more ways than we imagine.

This week celebrate your imperfections. Laugh at yourself. Experience the freedom of being the person you like to be around.

Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.