Learning to Ask for Help
Asking for help is difficult to do, whether it be for a small work project, clarification on something you think you should understand, or for something you feel is a big deal. This past week, as I’ve worked to be more strategic across my referral realm, I’ve learned asking for help isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be and my perception of asking for help is not the same as the receiver’s perception of asking for help.
Here’s how my business has worked. For as long as I can remember, my work has been all word of mouth. I haven’t asked anyone for work, I’ve simply had work come to me. (It’s a tough problem, I know!). However, as I’ve transitioned to the national level, I’m finding I need to be more active in promoting myself and asking people to refer me to others.
At first I found this really difficult to do. I felt like I was imposing, being the pushy speaker who was bothering people. What I’ve learned as I’ve swallowed my pride and perception is that folks are actually excited to know I’m looking for more work through referrals.
They had the perception my calendar was too full to recommend me to others. Everyone I’ve talked to has said, “I’d love to pass your name along. Let me tell this person about you,” or, “I think you’d be perfect for this event. Let me connect you to the coordinator.” And as I’ve asked, my work pipeline is filling with leads.
Why do I tell you this? Because I think most of us are nervous about how we’re being perceived when we ask for something. The reality is, others may not know our need or they may have a misperception about our reality. By asking others for help, we invite them into our reality, and we value them for their contribution.
Did you catch that one? We value others for their contributions when we ask for help. We all want to feel needed. We all want to help. We sometimes just don’t know how to help best or if our help is wanted. There’s two things we can do to be more helpful to those around us:
1) Ask for other peoples’ help by being specific with what we need.
2) Offer to help others in specific ways.
The key is to be specific whether you are asking for or offering to help. Many times, people say, “Call me if you need anything.” Okay, but do I really dare call and ask for anything? Being specific clarifies expectations on both parts.
In our home lives, it often looks like this. Someone loses a family member and we say, “Let me know if you need anything.” That person has so much on their mind, they don’t know if you mean you can help shovel or mow. They don’t know if you mean, drop your kids off so you can get things done. Being specific takes away the stress on the person receiving the help. “Please let us know if we can take the kids after school two days a week as you take care of everything. And know we’ll shovel the driveway for the next month while things settle down here.”
The same applies to our work lives. Being specific about what you need and how you can help others is a two-way gift. As the asker, you receive the other person’s insight and experience. As the giver, you partake in something bigger outside yourself and make a difference in other people’s needs.
Take time this week to watch for ways you can benefit from asking and offering help this week.
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
