The Good, the Tolerable and the Unbearable
Have you ever found a food you love, love, love? Then after a few weeks of loving it, the food becomes okay. And if you continue eating that food, the thought of eating it turns your stomach? I think this same thing happens to us in our work. We find something we are really good at and love it – for a while. Then as we become acclimated to the work, and the work becomes just okay – it’s tolerable. And at times, the work we do becomes absolutely unbearable.
That’s a journey many of us have been on. We loved our work when we first started it. Then we got used to it and it was fine – it was tolerable. Then one day a switch flips, and we suddenly find ourselves dreading the tasks we once found enjoyable and the work becomes unbearable.
How do we avoid this cycle and how do we get out of this rut?
I am starting my 14th year of self-employment. For a very long time, everything was good. Then some of what I was doing became tolerable. I didn’t love these parts of the job any more, but I didn’t hate them either. Then one day I woke up realizing the tolerable had become unbearable.
What I soon realized was the unbearable didn’t actually happen overnight. It had been a slow process sneaking up on me. That slow process was experienced in short moments of frustration when I needed to do that task. Then the short moments became a general feeling of dislike. When the things I disliked doing didn’t go away, those items became unbearable.
How do we avoid this? I think we need some space to reflect. In a world of do more, do it faster and do it with less, reflection time becomes a luxury we feel we can’t afford. However, it’s reflection time that helps identify key decision points in our work. During this time of reflection, even if it’s a short reflection time in during our commute, we need to examine those moments during the day that left us frustrated or tired or angry.
Identifying what we are feeling helps us pinpoint what is frustrating us and helps us identify what we can control in our circumstances. In my case, knowing I could outsource the things that drove me crazy or change my business model to something that eliminated the frustration was key to moving myself out of the unbearable stage.
It’s also important to realize what we can’t control. At times there are things we simply have no control over. The uncontrollable items often give us clues as to if it’s time to find a new job, a new career focus or a new company. As ugly and blunt as that sounds, I coach a lot of people who have been unhappy for a long time. A little reflection and regrouping may have saved those individuals several years feeling like they were bashing their heads against the wall daily.
Another reason to note these feelings is the moments of frustration, exhaustion and the anger we stuff down at work often translate to unexpected reactions outside of our work aimed at friends and family in the proverbial “kick the cat” scenario. The consequences of saving our frustration for those at home mean we often hurt the relationships that matter most.
Reflecting, identifying our feelings, determining what we can and can’t control are all helpful ways of moving away from or getting out of the unbearable. Some of you, however, have one remaining
question, “What if I have to do what’s unbearable? What if I have no choice.” Admittedly there are times when we don’t have an option to change things up or leave the work we dislike. This is a much harder scenario. In those moments, we still do have a choice – a choice to choose our attitude while doing the unbearable.
It may not seem like much, but choosing a positive attitude can make the unbearable tolerable. It may also feel like a cop-out answer. However, your positive attitude will get you through some pretty terrible stuff, and it will go great distances in helping others deal with the unbearable too. But that’s another blog.
This week take time to reflect and remember why you love what you do. If there are things that have become tolerable, ask what steps you can take to keep from living the unbearable.
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
