Don’t Let the First Yes Define You
Recently friends and I talked about how we view exploring new options as permanent, fixed options vs. honest explorations. We feel locked into a decision after we take the first step. The reality is, we have to be careful to not let the first yes define us and our future. Why do we have this bent?
There’s a sales model that encourages folks to get the buyer to say a series of small yeses, all with the intent of getting the final big yes at the end of the sale. Here’s an example:
* Do you like the way this car looks?
* Would you like to test drive the car?
* It’s a really smooth ride, isn’t it?
* Would you like to talk amongst yourselves while I go and look at pricing options?
The theory is the more yeses you get someone to give, the more likely they are to see the logic of the final yes, making the sale easier.
While I see how that can work, I think this model of sales has actually warped many of our decision- making processes. The cynical side of us says, “If I say yes once, the salesperson has me on the hook.” We start to question the first yes because we feel like we are obligated to give the final yes, when we may agree to everything ahead of that final yes, but we really need or want to say no to the final yes.
I’ve seen the first yes stifle people’s career in particular. If I say yes to putting in the application, I’m practically taking the job. If I say yes to this project, I’m going to be expected to take it one step farther, and I’m not sure I can do that.
While the first yes can be paralyzing, it’s just a first yes. No one has said we have to continue down that path. I experienced this last year when I started doing a ton of national travel for my conference speaking. When the year wrapped up with me being completely exhausted and ready to step into my next career selling coconuts on the beach, I realized, I didn’t have to let those first yeses drive me to further yeses.
I took time in January and February to really evaluate what I want to do on the national speaking spectrum. How much time do I want to spend away from my family? Do I have to pursue this full tilt? My assumption was my first set of yeses to speak at different conferences last year locked me into speaking nationally full-time as the final, cemented outcome.
That’s the lie of the first yes. You don’t need to let that first yes define you. In most instances, you can take a small step and return (ethical and legal yeses don’t qualify for this principal, just in case you were thinking of trying something morally wrong or illegal).
In addition, I think we want to be people of integrity, so we feel like that first yes will lead others to wrong conclusions about our intentions. It’s important to be clear with what your first yes means. “Yes, I’d be happy to lead the project team through this process, then I’d like to evaluate the role before
continuing in this work.” Or, “I’m going to apply for the job and let folks know I’m interested in the work, but this will be a tough decision for me.”
All of this to encourage you to say yes to more things in your life, knowing the first yes doesn’t define your next steps. Take courage and say yes this week to something you have hesitated on before. It will be okay to say no if it doesn’t work, and it may open you to a whole new world you didn’t expect, full of different yeses that bring you great joy.
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
