Two Contradictory Things that are True at the Same Time
The past month has left many of us feeling at a loss as we navigate many new things in our world. New things like working from home, virtual schooling or taking care of children full-time, finding new norms at home and new rhythms for our lives. For many of us, it’s felt like we have lost a lot in the past few weeks and at the same time, we are grateful for what we have. It’s two contradictory things that are true at the same time.
We have lost our normal, our social outlets, regular contact with family members who don’t live in our home, and maybe a little of our sanity. For me, the losses have added up: our exchange student went home 3 months early, our anticipated and needed spring break vacation canceled, work was canceled or postponed, we’ve lost income and watched friends be furloughed.
That’s a lot.
The Ugly Side of It Could be Worse
I suspect we are not alone in this. I’m sure many of you have felt the tug of loss during this time. We often console ourselves by saying it could be worse. I could have lost my job completely. I could be losing my home. I have food to eat. We are healthy. We try to minimize our losses knowing that it could be worse.
For some of you, it is worse. You have lost your job. You are wondering where your rent/mortgage payment is coming from and how you’ll pay bills as they arrive. You have a family member in the hospital. Your losses are adding up in life-altering, overwhelming ways.
What I’m finding is that when I don’t acknowledge how I’m really feeling, my feelings manifest somewhere unexpected – a muscle knot in my shoulder blade that begins to impact my arm movement. Headaches that take over my day. Angry outbursts at stupid things like how the dishes are loaded into the dishwasher. Drinking more alcohol than I usually do.
These are the ugly sides of “It Could be Worse.” Acknowledging our loss is an important part of moving forward in healthy ways.
Two Things True at the Same Time
During difficult times like this, it’s important we remember that two things can be true at the same time. I can be sad and relieved. I can be angry and grateful. I can be overwhelmed and push forward.
Our challenge is acknowledging both sides of our feelings. We can gauge how we are doing by how our feelings are manifesting themselves unexpectedly and stepping back to ask, “What is this really about?” This begs the next question: how do we balance the tension between both realities?
Balancing the Tension
For me, it’s important that I not brush over the many losses I’m feeling, and I put some boundaries on how long and how much I will dwell on those losses. Growing up my mom had a rule: you can throw a pity party, but then you have to get over it. Dang if this rule doesn’t still apply to my life and yours!
Allow yourself time to say, “I’m so disappointed my daughter’s senior year doesn’t look like what she or I thought it would. I’m sad she won’t experience the last two months with her friends. I’m angry that she’s been robbed of this time in her life.” Feel the emotions then give yourself permission to let them go.
Move on to, “While I’m disappointed, sad, and angry, I’m also grateful. Grateful we have two months of time together we would have not had if this hadn’t happened. I’m grateful we can be creative in how we connect with others electronically.”
Practically, let yourself mourn and grieve. Then make purposeful steps toward practicing gratefulness. Both are true realities and we need both to sides of the equation to balance being human.
How do you feel about what you’ve lost in the past few weeks? How do you counter those losses with what you are grateful for? This is a tough lesson for us all, and we’ll do this better together, so share your thoughts in the comments below or online. Let’s start a conversation to encourage each other through this time.
Vistage chair, keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork, and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams.
If you are a CEO or know a CEO who would benefit from a peer advisory group, please contact Sarah at Sarah.Gibson@Vistage.com. To inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
