When the World is Not as You Expect
A few months back I was working with a group and they were doing a reflective exercise. The room was too quiet, so I was searching my music library for some quiet background music. When I announced, “I don’t have a ton of music in my library, the best I can come up with for the moment is Irish drinking songs,” one man piped up and said, “I never saw that coming.” Sometimes the world is not as you expect.
For some of you, you are watching loved ones graduate high school or college, and you are reminded of what you dreamed the world would be like. Yet, the world is not as you expected. Others of us have slowly drifted into circumstances where our nights are filled with aging parents, kids’ activities, hurried meals, and an exhausted slump into the couch at 9 p.m. It’s not the world as we expected it to be.
Some of us are reaching the age where our bodies are showing signs of their age. Wrinkles are creeping in. Skin is changing color and texture. Hair has boycotted visible domes at the backs of our heads. It’s not the world we expected it to be.
While life moves forward, there’s a lot we don’t expect. Judith Viorst highlights what’s she’s learned in her 90 years in this article. Yet, her wisdom doesn’t soften the emotional and mental blows we sometimes face when the world isn’t what we expected.
What Do We Do When We Face the Unexpected
This begs the question – what do we do when faced with what we don’t expect?
A friend’s husband is dealing with Alzheimer’s at a very young age. It’s not what they expected. Her story is profound and raw. In the midst of this, she’s doing what she can, which is facing each day as it comes.
Some days that means researching the heck out of the latest research. Some days it means calls to the Alzheimer hotline for support. Other days it means sharing a Facebook post letting us know how the day has been so we can support her emotionally as we see glimpses of her heart struggles through this process. She’s dealing with it a day at a time.
Three Things That Help Us Face the Unexpected
The world is full of the unexpected. It’s what we do with the unexpected that changes how we face it. I think it’s important that we remember three things as when things aren’t as we hoped and dreamed.
- Grieve – we need to grieve what it is we hoped for and dreamed of that isn’t. Friends who have a boy with severe autism have grieved their dreams for his childhood filled with having friends over, seeing him play football, and getting the snuggles they anticipated from a child who dislikes physical touch. Grieving sets the stage for the next step.
- Accept the new for what it is – often we don’t want the unexpected things brought to us by life. Yet the grieving process can show us where there are new opportunities, new joys. It’s not easy to grieve because it feels like we are giving up hope.
That’s not the case. We need to grieve so we can accept the new before us, because while it’s hard, it will bring unexpected strengths from within ourselves.
- Find purpose in the unexpected – it’s not easy for us to move forward when parts of ourselves are left behind. Yet, that’s life. Seeing this unexpected piece as something to learn from, grow from, and help others through gives us purpose.
A lot of things in my life have been unexpected. Many of those have been viciously painful to walk through. And yet… and yet, I am who I am today because of the unexpected. The hard stuff has produced grit, integrity, and compassion. All things I needed more of.
Whatever You Are Facing
Please understand, I’m not dismissing the difficult things in your life. Life is hard. I’m encouraging you to walk through the process of grief, acceptance, and purpose because it’s unexpected, hard stuff that makes us who we are.
Whatever you face today, expected or unexpected, it’s okay to be there. If you need an ear or a shoulder, I’m here, as are your friends and family. The more you share your unexpected experiences, the more we all understand the full capacity of compassionate humanity. We want to walk with you on this journey.
Find courage this week to step into the unexpected!
Keynote speaker, trainer, and consultant, Sarah Gibson, helps organizations leverage the power of communication, teamwork, and diversity to improve engagement and transform teams. To buy her book or inquire about her speaking programs, please visit www.sarahjgibson.com.
